My Understanding of Success

Success is such a loaded word and concept. In all points in our lives, the yearning to be successful crossed your mind, and for many of you, probably more times that you could count in a day. Yeah, that’s a right. A day! There is a huge pressure riding on you because that is what everyone expects from you: society, family, peers, significant other, yourself, and who knows who else!

I work with students and some of these students have shared their visions of their future in hoping to accomplish something bigger than they can imagine. Some shared that they want to a stable job that will keep the money flowing. Some say that once they start paying their dues back to the people that have helped them is what they want to focus on. There are countless ideas of how others want for their future, and most of these have to deal with success. And who doesn’t want to be successful? It’s satisfying to feel that you have done something that others admire you for. Bragging rights? Sure. I’ve met people who do it.

However, the essence of success does not come with an instructional guide, nor is it a cookie cutter process for everyone. We all have to journey in our own way to find what success truly means in our lives. I must admit that I have compared how my success should look like from others, one in particular, and that is my sister. Being only the two of us and also the younger, the comparing and one-upping was a very serious matter – at least to me it was. I saw that the treatment I got from my parents, family members, and people we knew was very different from how they treated my sister. The doting was present from my grandparents, the grades expectations were clear, the looks and figures were highlighted, the gifts were one-sided, the privileges were somewhat unfair, the response to chosen careers were not equal . . . I can list many things.

I only came to the realization very recently that comparing my life accomplishments to my sister is something that will never be changed. The reason being is one simple thing: I am not her. We have so many differences and it’s one of the reasons why our lives should not be the same. I’ve always thought that I have accepted out differences long before my high school years, but it did not hit me full on until starting my masters program that I’m not meant to live a life like hers. I’m supposed to live mine. I’m not supposed to be treated the way that she is being treated because others see me differently and my passions are different from hers. The load off my chest from that acceptance was like a submarine finally emerging from the cloud of murky waters, and the years I’ve spent in grad school were some of the best years of my life because of this concept.

Now, success is still something I’m trying to pursue, and if I’m honest, I still compare myself to my sister every once in a while. Sure it gets me down, but not for too long. My understanding of success is our own making because no one else is going to truly benefit from the fruits of your own labor but yourself. I also think that success is the journey you were or are willing to take to get from before to wherever, because every day you are making an effort to change and improve your life by taking the chance to move forward. The results of those steps will come eventually, and still, we continue to push through to your next adventure, your next goal, your next mile. So enjoy your journey of success. You’re already a lot farther than where you were yesterday.

Thanks for stopping by, friend! I’ll see you soon!

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The Test of True Forgiveness

UC_002What is harder: forgive or forget? Is it possible to do one without the other or somehow one will follow after you have done the other?

I’m going to be honest with you on this entry because this concept has recently crept up in my peripherals and I’m started to question if forgiveness is something more than letting it go. To start off, I’m the type of person who likes to see progress, and by that, I mean a result from a previous conversation or agreement. When some thing goes wrong, after discussing and seeing the fault, nothings means more to me than actually than preventing that issue from coming up again. If I expressed to Kenny that some of his jokes were offensive to me and the next time we had a conversation, he was more mindful about his jokes, that really means a lot to me! Because that means that they listen, they considered their actions and the results, and actually made the effort to avoid the conflict in the future. At that point, I feel as if complete forgiveness is applied because the conflict has been resolved.

However, what happens if it doesn’t?

In the past, someone has hurt me that the thought of saying their name, seeing their picture, or being reminded of a memory of them does not bring up good emotions or thoughts in my head or heart. I have prayed to God for me to forgive this person and have prayed to forget that the deed is done, it’s all in the past, but once I remember, everything resurfaces, included the pain and anger. I have a feeling that this always comes up because the issue doesn’t feel as if it’s been truly resolved even though it’s been years since that has happened. Was there some mending that tried to occur within all these years? Yes, there definitely was from the other party, but somehow I feel that there is still no resolution. I think because there was no apology or acknowledgement of the hurt, just the “hey, let’s be friends because I like to keep in touch with my friends” type of conversation, but really it’s just “I’ll let me look at your life through Facebook but not really ever interact with you.” That’s not keeping in touch, let alone mending. I guess I’m the type of person that can’t really move past a block until the block has been dealt with and moved?

I wonder if it’s wrong of me to ask for my hurt to be acknowledged before asking to move forward. To me that says that the person understands and is taking responsibility for their actions, whether it was intentional or not. This is where I get stumped about the whole forgive and forget because what I will always remember is whether or not the person followed-through with what they did what they said they were going to do. The biggest way for me to forget an incident is to have a new memory added to that bank to show the result of the conversation. Because action to me speaks in loud volumes because I can see that there is effort being made there.

*Sigh*. The test for me in this journey is seeing if I can face this person when they appear. I know that the emotions and hurt will come up and I can simply just swallow the hard pill and have God completely take over my being because I know that letting go is something that I may not be able to ever do completely on my own. So, God? Can you please do this for me? Can you give me the courage, forgiveness, and even love to move past all this?

 

Who Is Me?

Hello friend!

Like many other blogs that have come and gone before me, this first post must be one of the reasons why people like you read this post: to get to know what this blog is about! Well fear not! This post is the brief overview of its content, future upbringings, and yours truly, the author!

First, I’d like to thank you for stopping by. My name is Kian. It’s my nickname and, yes, I have decided to finally go for what I’m known for because the hidden agenda in hiding names is too much for me as of now. So for now, I’ll be sticking with Kian! I am Filipino, living in the lovely Cornhusker state, Lincoln, Nebraska. Right now, I am 28 years old, living and loving my simple life with my best friend and husband, Kenny, and our fur-kids, a fat striped tabby named Boba, and a small black kitten named Ninja. This blog will tell you about my personal and small family’s adventures in the Midwest.

Along with my life stories, there are three other areas that I wanted to share with the world: my interests (and I’ve got a lot!), advice, tips and stories towards success, and a heart-to-heart journal on current events, issues, and/or struggles that all of us humans go through. I realized that this blog is not just going to a lifestyle-type of blog, but a combination of many of my passions.

And lastly, the question everyone is probably curious about, why do I blog? Honestly, there is the hope that one day this blog will generate some income, right? I see blog income as one of the many results this blog may pull, but my desire to start a blog is simply to have a form of creative outlet to share my life and thoughts with those of you out there who are curious about what life is like for an Asian immigrant in Lincoln Nebraska. And this is what this blog is about! My life, my adventures, my journey.

Thanks for stopping by, friend! I’ll see you soon!

Kx2